A Blast From the Past

A BLAST FROM THE PAST

i knew it wouldn't last
he dropped me, relatively fast
and all i could ask
was, "how are you?"


he claimed to be my friend
claimed it til the end
his excuses, he'd always defend
my responses would always depend
on my up or down mood

he clearly never meant to hurt me
i wasn't forced - i went along freely
at that time, i couldn't see
that he had always intended to be free
from me - but he never meant to be rude.


he said he thought of me often
and my mood began to soften
than i realized i was only RE-building the coffin
to lock my self-esteem in
when he'd walk away again

our conversation was short
around my heart, i've built a fort
to protect me from his sort
and i can very proudly report
that i walked away with my head held high
and HE looked back at ME.

TonyaC 122609
(artwork: "Me Time", Frank Morrison)

today

TODAY……i walk with my head held high

and my back straight,
despite sometimes wanting to run and hide.


I’m stepping into TODAY
with long, confident and purposeful strides.

I look GOOD,
I feel good –
damn, I’m good!


ME,
I am a force to be reckoned with
because I was created by the Master of Perfection.


I smile, for the sake of smiling;
I laugh out loud and often
cuz it feels good.


I accept responsibility for my actions -
for where I am today
for WHO I am today.

I am constantly evolving and growing.


I’m not afraid to share my dreams..
my aspirations…
my fantasies….
my hopes.
I’m not afraid to accept love - or to give it.


I will never again accept less
because I deserve more
because I AM more.
I will never be afraid to cry.
my tears are an indication of strength gained through pain.


I think big, I dream big, and I work hard.


TODAY, I have faith,
determination,
and courage,
and I will act accordingly.


this JOURNEY is for me
from me
expressing that sometimes,
its ok that
its all about me.


TonyaC Dec2009
(artwork: "Ebony in Red", Charles Bibbs)

An Act of Love

An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by its own fullness, not by its reception. Harold Loukes


he moved me –with a word, a glance –a sigh
from the lowest of my greatest fears
to the height of my ecstasy
he overpowered me
enveloped me
consumed me
exposed me, and all my mistakes and frailties
my pain and sorrow
providing sanctum, with his acceptance,
his kiss, his caress
nurturing, understanding
feeding me confidence and awareness with a single touch
building me up with his honesty and his strength
awakening feelings I thought long dead
awakening in me the realization that I am worthy of love.

with just a smile, he quiets my inner storms
with a kiss, heals unannounced and un-admitted pain
with the squeeze of his hand,
demonstrates the power of Faith
furnishing me a lifetime of beautiful memories
allowing me to believe in love
again
and the power that love can have
over an attitude or an aptitude or an outlook
over a life.

no regrets
just love

TonyaC 2009
(artwork: Summer Breeze '75, Lydell Jackson)

Will Work For Food

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

from a distance i can see the sign “WILL WORK FOR FOOD”
can a few coins actually help this dude?
i wanted to help, but was a bit subdued
i couldn’t simply drive past – i couldn’t be rude
he had a sign, after all – that he’d work – just for food

i do not know his story – he’s just some strange man
however, I do know that everyone deserves a helping hand
life’s tragedies are certainly never planned
i don’t want to judge – i want to take a stand
instead of looking the other way, i want to offer my hand

but for the grace of God, go I
i think of circumstances that would force me to beg –
and i want to cry

to feed my son i’d do whatever i had to do
i’d beg, borrow or steal- wouldn’t you?
i’d even stand on a corner, holding a sign that read
“WILL WORK FOR FOOD”

people’s faces are stone cold –
“he’ll learn his lesson – i should withhold!”
now i’m closer, wondering if i should ’spare a dime’
if i give, will it be to help change his life
- or to help change mine?

(2009/TonyaC)

to know

i knew you - long ago
before this time was our time,
before you were you and i was me

i knew you - a soul time ago
when your soul touched mine
i knew you, though i'm not quite sure how

two lights in the darkness
sharing space, without time
longing, needing, desiring

i've ached for you, countless times

perhaps you were my king, and i your queen
reigning in a universe still unknown

i knew you before the creation of space and time
when love was pure, uncut and sublime

i knew you when our souls felt free to dance
no matter who may have been watching –
we took the chance

i knew you before - don't ask me how
i've known you my whole life

and i wonder where you are now

i continue to search; to wait; to wonder
continue longing, needing, desiring

are we destined to meet in this life - or the next?

you feel it, though you cannot express it
you sense it, though you dare not say it
you know it, though you dare not accept it

you know me
i know you

©01/2009TonyaC

(artwork: “a moment alone”, c babi bayoc)