I Spent Time There

the infamous 'they' say we should let go of the past –
move ahead and don’t look back –
don't question; don't ask.
however, sometimes i feel i need to look back
to remember;
you see, i need to release the baggage built up within me.
can’t do that unless i know from whence that baggage came;
and why i even let it in – so i could find release-
not for the purpose of blame.

You see,
I Spent Time There. And Much of it is Still Spending Time in Me.

i want to remember the situations; to grow; to learn;
to use them as reference points,
these experiences i've earned.
at the same time, i want to release the pain those lessons bought.
didn’t realize i still harbored it;
didn't know it was so ingrained in my thoughts.
i nurtured it without owning it –
identified myself by it, through it - BECAUSE of it

You see,
I Spent Time There. And Much of it is Still Spending Time in Me.

images of what was
and clouded thoughts of what might have been.
couldn't truly enjoy the present - again –
until i released the pain within.
forgave those who sinned against me.
didn't want them controlling my life.
forgot that i hadn't forgiven myself –
in essence, the author of my own strife.

You see,
I Spent Time There. And Much of it is Still Spending Time in Me.


I had to talk it out;
I had to walk it out;
I had to work it out;
I had to cry it out;
I had to pray it out;
I had to GET IT OUT.

I no longer have room for it.
I asked God for freedom from it –
not the memories, you see –
but the negative aftershocks and debris.

the process has begun.
I finally forgave me.
i'm moving forward into today –
God granted my plea.


it is what it is. what's done is done.
the war isn't over,
but this particular battle is won.


i embrace my FABULOUS-NESS
(yeah, I said it - i made it a word).
the best is yet to come –
in this theater of the absurd.
the time has come.. i release the negativity.......


You see,
I Spent Time There. And I can no longer allow it to Spend Time in Me.


TonyaC 2007
artwork: 'Free', Nathanial Barnes